When a romantic partner refuses to apologize after hurting them, people who worry about rejection tend to report holding more grudges, pulling away, and withholding forgiveness, according to new research published in The Journal of Social Psychology. Across three studies, the findings suggest that a partner’s response after a conflict may shape how anxiously attached people react, and an experiment hinted that being ignored altogether may be especially hard on them.
Every romantic relationship involves occasional transgressions, which happen when one partner breaks an explicit or unspoken relationship rule. How couples navigate the aftermath of these missteps is shaped in part by their adult attachment style, a psychological pattern of expectations and insecurities regarding closeness and dependability in intimate bonds. Psychologists generally measure attachment insecurity along two dimensions: avoidant attachment, which involves discomfort with intimacy and a preference for emotional independence, and anxious attachment, which combines a strong craving for closeness with an intense fear of being rejected or abandoned.
Because people high in attachment anxiety often doubt their own worth and worry about whether their partner truly cares for them, relationship conflicts can quickly set off their deepest insecurities. In a 2005 diary and observation study of dating couples, individuals with higher attachment anxiety perceived more daily relationship conflicts, felt more distressed when discussing major problems, and tended to…
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